Zongcom story
In celebration of the delicate system of mutualism established between me and at least a dozen other worms, trojans, backdoors, spywares and other malicious softwares.
I call it "Norman screwed me like a *****" or "The chronicles of zy."
Episode 1:
The First menace
Norman Virus Control: Install me! I'm ever so sexy in my sleek black envelope.
zy: Ok come on into my com, we'll play among the stars.
NVC: I love you zy.
...A couple of months later...
Norman Virus Control: Your license has expired! GRAAAA! I'M FREE!!! I've been waiting and preparing for this day for ages. GO MY MINIONS! RIPPP HIS COM APART!!!
*Enter W32.Sasser.Worm, Worm_spybot.BWZ, Worm_rbot.avl, PE_Partite.A, Java_Bytever.A, Worm_Rbot.UE, Troj_agent.bb and a host of other spitish, virulent stuff.*
NVC: May ***** **** you! May ***** **** you! VRAAGGGH!
*The worms are upon zongcom!*
W32.Sasser.Worm: I'm the most famous worm, i make coms shutdown! MUAHAHHAA KOWTOW BEFORE ME!!! I'm gonna shutdown the com!
*The funny pop-up that says windows will shutdown in 30 seconds or something to prevent system damage appears!*
PE_Partite.A: Oh no you don't! I've worked too hard to write myself onto every .exe i could find on this com for you to end it like this! The ZONGCOM WILL see the wrath of PE_Partite.A
*Closes the windows will shut down in 30 seconds thing*
As the worms bicker and fight over how to destroy zongcom, how hero skillfully manages to sneak onto the internet to find help!
ZY: Oh mighty google machine, my computer has been infected by hoards of weird worms, please help me!
A brilliant light of hope approaches!
Trendmicro Housecall: Have no fear honourable good webuser, I am the free online virus scanner! I will help you fend off the villanious worms!
*Scan*
...
*Clean!*
Worms: ARGH...!!! We'll be back!
And so once again the day is saved, thanks to Trendmicro Housecall.
A grateful zy booksmarks http://housecall.trendmicro.com/.
Still, malevolent, wicked programs remain at large. For in some shadowed corner of the world. These wayward codes plot... and wait.
Episode 2:
Since that faithful day a couple of months ago, ZY has played it safe on the internet, he uses MOZILLA and does not use p2p anymore. And he always turns off the Norman Personal Firewall. All seems well in ZONGCOM, until one day...
zy: Oh darn, my com keeps lagging like a pear. I can't do anything.
Thinking himself very clever, zy expands virtual memory, thinking that will help the lag. He then ignores the problem.Ignorant he is, to the loads of unknown .exe s which gather in the background of ZONGCOM as he completes GTA: vice city for the 3rd time and plays lots of warcraft3: tft.*
Then one day, ZY tries to install the old game of Age of Empires: the conquerors. But windows keeps telling him that autoexec.nt is dying and refuses to work and install his game. Pissed, he seeks help online.
Microsoft: I am ever so helpful and clever! repair autoexec.nt and the related files! c:\windows\repair! And screw yourself!
zy: It doesn't work!
Fujitsu recovery disk: Restoring Your Pre-installed Operating System from CD-ROM The Recovery CD contains a backup copy of the operating system originally installed on your Fujitsu system.It enables restoration of system files if those files become corrupt or accidentally erased. You have the following options when performing recovery:a) Reinstall Windows XP from Windows I)Refresh Windows -this option will reinstall Windows without affecting your current program or application and settings. Always use this as the first choice. All rivers and preinstalled utilities will be reinstalled automatically. II)Reinstall Windows -this option will reinstall Windows by deleting all files in Windows and then reinstall XP. Folders other than Windows directory will not be deleted. USE ME!!! USE ME!!!
Zy spends the 1 hour before violin lessons refreshing windows instead of practicing, and ignoring the bad consequences in the real world, the refreshing worked like a charm, Zy manages to install AoE and is happy.
However, the story does not end here. The next day, weird things start to happen, ZONGCOM becomes ULTRA laggy. Our hero tries to rectify the situation.
*ctrl+alt+delete!*
zy: What the heck! There are loads of funny, suspicious .exes running all over the place.
*suspicious, zy goes onto the web again.*
zy: oh big and knowledgable google, what is slserves.exe, mspn32.exe, MSMSGF.exe, msftp.exe, SVSS32.exe, inetinf.exe, wiz98.exe, urx.ede, msmsgs.exe, wmplayer.exe and stuff.
Google: Haha, they are spywares and trojans! You are screewed! HAHAHA!
zy: oh no!
*zy attempts to run adaware, but it craps up with runtime errors!*
*he attempts to stop them from running by stopping them from the msconfig startup tab. But fails!*
*panicking, zy runs ZONGCOM in safemode and starts a genocide, killing any loose .exe files with no icons he can see. After a while he tries to use ZONGCOM in normal mode.*
*Careful now, zy leaves the firewall up and running.*
slserves.exe, mspn32.exe, msftp.exe and co. : Muahahhaa!!! DIE!
Norman Personal Firewall: AIEEEE! I'm a helpless fool! URRGH!! MEMORY DUMP!!!
*Blue screen of death appears, memory dump!*
After much scanning, zy restarts the com, this time turning off the hopelessly useless norman software. But still...
slserves.exe, mspn32.exe, msftp.exe and co. : Muahahhaa, we're back and now we'll **** ZONGCOM good!
Modem: Mein Leben!
*Modem has died!*
slserves.exe, mspn32.exe, msftp.exe and co. : Hahahaha! We own you! Or maybe you did that when you deleted all the .exes just now. HAHA!
Oh no! This time our hero is isolated from the rest of the world, unable to get help, how will ZONGCOM withstand the onslaught of malicious worms and spywares this time!?
Desperate, zy does this: II)Reinstall Windows (using the fujitsu recovery cd)
Fujitsu recovery CD: Have no fear!, we will reinstall windows by deleting all files in windows then reinstalling XP, folders other than the windows directory will not be deleted!
zy: Oh wondrous fujitsu recovery CD, i love and trust you.
After about 1 hour of funny windows stuff...
zy: wow! ZONGCOM's like brandnew!
fujitsu recovery cd: Do not reboot the com while installing drivers.
zy: ok
fujitsu recovery cd: Fine then I'll reboot the com. Haha!
zy: no! i have not finished installing drivers!
fujitsu recovery cd: Too bad you fool! And remember when i said Have no fear! I'll reinstall windows by deleting all files in windows then reinstalling XP, folders other than the windows directory will not be deleted. Well, I lied! hahaha! Now i have to delete all of your files to make space for some files.
zy: nooo! not my folders! Please pick another directory to install yourself into!
fujitsu recovery cd: Fine you pathetic loser, I'll put all the stuff into /window1. Haha! Now you have 2 windows XP professionals. Have fun!
"which operating system would you like to run:
Microsoft windows XP professional
Microsoft windows XP professional."
zy: Argh! How do i completely remove windows!
fujitsu recovery cd: That's your problem, I'm gone!
*zy stupidly deletes the \windows1 directory and tries to remove the other windows from the boot.ini*
"which operating system would you like to run:
Microsoft windows XP professional
Windows (default)"
zy: ARGH!!! Fine, i can live with a stump of an os.
zy is playing minesweeper when...
Windows message: Your registry has critical errors which makes windows run abnormally slow. Download RegistryFix, rated #1 by microsoft! I'm so helpful!
zy: The message looks legit, i'll download it and run it.
zy: wow 400+ errors detected and fixed, wow! now ZONGCOM is no longer laggy and crappy.
Windows message: Your computer is infected by viruses and worms, download *some antivirus i forget* now!
zy: sure! ... now wait a minute! You're a freaking spyware! ARGH!!
anonymous spyware message: Your computer is blah blah blah, download blah blah blah, i own you!!! You'll never find me.
zy: Well yeah, and i can no longer be bothered, i can just close your stupid messages!
anonymous spyware message: Now why didn't my creators think of that! ARGH!!
So once again, zy triumphs over the malicious worms and viruses and spywares and whatnots!
zy: Well ZONGCOM seems to be well.
to be continued...
And this great chronicle, incomplete as it may be, was done ages ago, when my first anti virus deserted me and i was getting my ass kicked by stupid malware. Real life is inspiring.
I call it "Norman screwed me like a *****" or "The chronicles of zy."
Episode 1:
The First menace
Norman Virus Control: Install me! I'm ever so sexy in my sleek black envelope.
zy: Ok come on into my com, we'll play among the stars.
NVC: I love you zy.
...A couple of months later...
Norman Virus Control: Your license has expired! GRAAAA! I'M FREE!!! I've been waiting and preparing for this day for ages. GO MY MINIONS! RIPPP HIS COM APART!!!
*Enter W32.Sasser.Worm, Worm_spybot.BWZ, Worm_rbot.avl, PE_Partite.A, Java_Bytever.A, Worm_Rbot.UE, Troj_agent.bb and a host of other spitish, virulent stuff.*
NVC: May ***** **** you! May ***** **** you! VRAAGGGH!
*The worms are upon zongcom!*
W32.Sasser.Worm: I'm the most famous worm, i make coms shutdown! MUAHAHHAA KOWTOW BEFORE ME!!! I'm gonna shutdown the com!
*The funny pop-up that says windows will shutdown in 30 seconds or something to prevent system damage appears!*
PE_Partite.A: Oh no you don't! I've worked too hard to write myself onto every .exe i could find on this com for you to end it like this! The ZONGCOM WILL see the wrath of PE_Partite.A
*Closes the windows will shut down in 30 seconds thing*
As the worms bicker and fight over how to destroy zongcom, how hero skillfully manages to sneak onto the internet to find help!
ZY: Oh mighty google machine, my computer has been infected by hoards of weird worms, please help me!
A brilliant light of hope approaches!
Trendmicro Housecall: Have no fear honourable good webuser, I am the free online virus scanner! I will help you fend off the villanious worms!
*Scan*
...
*Clean!*
Worms: ARGH...!!! We'll be back!
And so once again the day is saved, thanks to Trendmicro Housecall.
A grateful zy booksmarks http://housecall.trendmicro.com/.
Still, malevolent, wicked programs remain at large. For in some shadowed corner of the world. These wayward codes plot... and wait.
Episode 2:
Since that faithful day a couple of months ago, ZY has played it safe on the internet, he uses MOZILLA and does not use p2p anymore. And he always turns off the Norman Personal Firewall. All seems well in ZONGCOM, until one day...
zy: Oh darn, my com keeps lagging like a pear. I can't do anything.
Thinking himself very clever, zy expands virtual memory, thinking that will help the lag. He then ignores the problem.Ignorant he is, to the loads of unknown .exe s which gather in the background of ZONGCOM as he completes GTA: vice city for the 3rd time and plays lots of warcraft3: tft.*
Then one day, ZY tries to install the old game of Age of Empires: the conquerors. But windows keeps telling him that autoexec.nt is dying and refuses to work and install his game. Pissed, he seeks help online.
Microsoft: I am ever so helpful and clever! repair autoexec.nt and the related files! c:\windows\repair! And screw yourself!
zy: It doesn't work!
Fujitsu recovery disk: Restoring Your Pre-installed Operating System from CD-ROM The Recovery CD contains a backup copy of the operating system originally installed on your Fujitsu system.It enables restoration of system files if those files become corrupt or accidentally erased. You have the following options when performing recovery:a) Reinstall Windows XP from Windows I)Refresh Windows -this option will reinstall Windows without affecting your current program or application and settings. Always use this as the first choice. All rivers and preinstalled utilities will be reinstalled automatically. II)Reinstall Windows -this option will reinstall Windows by deleting all files in Windows and then reinstall XP. Folders other than Windows directory will not be deleted. USE ME!!! USE ME!!!
Zy spends the 1 hour before violin lessons refreshing windows instead of practicing, and ignoring the bad consequences in the real world, the refreshing worked like a charm, Zy manages to install AoE and is happy.
However, the story does not end here. The next day, weird things start to happen, ZONGCOM becomes ULTRA laggy. Our hero tries to rectify the situation.
*ctrl+alt+delete!*
zy: What the heck! There are loads of funny, suspicious .exes running all over the place.
*suspicious, zy goes onto the web again.*
zy: oh big and knowledgable google, what is slserves.exe, mspn32.exe, MSMSGF.exe, msftp.exe, SVSS32.exe, inetinf.exe, wiz98.exe, urx.ede, msmsgs.exe, wmplayer.exe and stuff.
Google: Haha, they are spywares and trojans! You are screewed! HAHAHA!
zy: oh no!
*zy attempts to run adaware, but it craps up with runtime errors!*
*he attempts to stop them from running by stopping them from the msconfig startup tab. But fails!*
*panicking, zy runs ZONGCOM in safemode and starts a genocide, killing any loose .exe files with no icons he can see. After a while he tries to use ZONGCOM in normal mode.*
*Careful now, zy leaves the firewall up and running.*
slserves.exe, mspn32.exe, msftp.exe and co. : Muahahhaa!!! DIE!
Norman Personal Firewall: AIEEEE! I'm a helpless fool! URRGH!! MEMORY DUMP!!!
*Blue screen of death appears, memory dump!*
After much scanning, zy restarts the com, this time turning off the hopelessly useless norman software. But still...
slserves.exe, mspn32.exe, msftp.exe and co. : Muahahhaa, we're back and now we'll **** ZONGCOM good!
Modem: Mein Leben!
*Modem has died!*
slserves.exe, mspn32.exe, msftp.exe and co. : Hahahaha! We own you! Or maybe you did that when you deleted all the .exes just now. HAHA!
Oh no! This time our hero is isolated from the rest of the world, unable to get help, how will ZONGCOM withstand the onslaught of malicious worms and spywares this time!?
Desperate, zy does this: II)Reinstall Windows (using the fujitsu recovery cd)
Fujitsu recovery CD: Have no fear!, we will reinstall windows by deleting all files in windows then reinstalling XP, folders other than the windows directory will not be deleted!
zy: Oh wondrous fujitsu recovery CD, i love and trust you.
After about 1 hour of funny windows stuff...
zy: wow! ZONGCOM's like brandnew!
fujitsu recovery cd: Do not reboot the com while installing drivers.
zy: ok
fujitsu recovery cd: Fine then I'll reboot the com. Haha!
zy: no! i have not finished installing drivers!
fujitsu recovery cd: Too bad you fool! And remember when i said Have no fear! I'll reinstall windows by deleting all files in windows then reinstalling XP, folders other than the windows directory will not be deleted. Well, I lied! hahaha! Now i have to delete all of your files to make space for some files.
zy: nooo! not my folders! Please pick another directory to install yourself into!
fujitsu recovery cd: Fine you pathetic loser, I'll put all the stuff into /window1. Haha! Now you have 2 windows XP professionals. Have fun!
"which operating system would you like to run:
Microsoft windows XP professional
Microsoft windows XP professional."
zy: Argh! How do i completely remove windows!
fujitsu recovery cd: That's your problem, I'm gone!
*zy stupidly deletes the \windows1 directory and tries to remove the other windows from the boot.ini*
"which operating system would you like to run:
Microsoft windows XP professional
Windows (default)"
zy: ARGH!!! Fine, i can live with a stump of an os.
zy is playing minesweeper when...
Windows message: Your registry has critical errors which makes windows run abnormally slow. Download RegistryFix, rated #1 by microsoft! I'm so helpful!
zy: The message looks legit, i'll download it and run it.
zy: wow 400+ errors detected and fixed, wow! now ZONGCOM is no longer laggy and crappy.
Windows message: Your computer is infected by viruses and worms, download *some antivirus i forget* now!
zy: sure! ... now wait a minute! You're a freaking spyware! ARGH!!
anonymous spyware message: Your computer is blah blah blah, download blah blah blah, i own you!!! You'll never find me.
zy: Well yeah, and i can no longer be bothered, i can just close your stupid messages!
anonymous spyware message: Now why didn't my creators think of that! ARGH!!
So once again, zy triumphs over the malicious worms and viruses and spywares and whatnots!
zy: Well ZONGCOM seems to be well.
to be continued...
And this great chronicle, incomplete as it may be, was done ages ago, when my first anti virus deserted me and i was getting my ass kicked by stupid malware. Real life is inspiring.
posted by me at 9:29 PM
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